I fucin try

I don't know what guys think about me . id ont know if they think I'm a joke or if im a easy slu. all I know is that i make an effort to be like and know.  ever guy i ever been wit has treated me real good. Lola I been ver fortunate. lately i been whatever with men. Whats  really sad is that beautiful women can get whatever they want.  I really feel blessed to have and got what i have if that make sense. I have a man that supposedly loves me.  have man that will give me whatever I want. I have no reason why he wants to give me everything I want. its strange and weird. I'm like why does he love me why is he by my side. I think its cuz he is an insecure white man. But still he really likes me allot more than an ordinary guy would. sigh my life has been all about an endless search of love. I'm can honestly admit I'm a hop less romantic. Meaning my heart hurts when my heart is broken, rejected, hurt, lied, or used. Let me tell you a broken heart is not painful but deeply scared. You feel like your sunk to the pit of your stomach and all you can do is cry/ Your warm tears falling down your face. With blurry vision........trying to see clearly visually and mentally but its so hard to clear your head and your thoughts. Im really upset right now I dont think I can type anymore... i just like to say i appreciate any man or woman thats taking the opportunity to love mr and accept ME 4 WHO AND HOW I AM I KNOW IM NOT PERFCT BUT I FUCIN TRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!